COVID-19 Detour with Debbie

Over the last few weeks it has been a privilege and a pleasure to, with you, mindfully navigate our way through this very uncertain and daunting COVID-19 pandemic. For many of us it is still just the beginning of our COVID-19 journey and the light at the end of the tunnel is the train hurtling towards us whilst for others the light at the end of the tunnel really is day light, a new dawn, a new day and new beginnings – whatever the new dawn may be and/or mean for each one of us. As I bring my contribution to the COVID-19 mindfulness conversation on this platform to a close, it need not mean that our mindfulness conversation comes to an end, it may just mean the beginning, as we choose a different path to start the conversation.

I have enjoyed sharing my thoughts with you as well as some of the mindfulness teachings I thought you may find valuable during this time. Together we explored learning to surf the waves of change and we learnt that it was possible to remain resolute and preserve our own personal equilibrium in the eye of the storm. We discovered our own unique anchors i.e. our breath, as well as how often when paying attention to the breath we are distracted by our wild and untamed thoughts. We learnt that thoughts are just thoughts, they are not our reality and that we make those thoughts our reality. We came to realise that we can't stop our thoughts because thinking is what our minds do but that we can change our relationship to them.

On the matter of changing our relationship to things, we were invited to turn towards and befriend our difficulties rather than try to wish them away or avoid them. Although this felt counter-intuitive, when we tried, we noticed that our negative experience of the difficulty soon dissipated – somehow the burden or suffering seemed lighter and more manageable and we also noticed that in every negative situation there is a sprinkling of positive and vice versa.  Through our openness to change and being ok with not knowing we got to experience the shifts and tensions between 'doing' and 'being' mode, depleting and nourishing activities and reactive and responsive behaviour.

During our journey, we experienced the sensation of being grounded and we even opened-up to the idea of holding the image of a mountain in our minds eye as a symbol of steadfast presence and stillness. We learnt that is was ok to give our curiosity free reign, as if we were starting over again, this time with a beginner's mind. We experienced the joys of turning inwards, discovering our own powers of awareness, our adeptness in paying attention, shifting and sustaining attention and our innate capacity for kindness, compassion, stillness and non-judgement. We got to meet ourselves at our own front door, 'warts and all' and befriend and accept ourselves in a way in which we may not have done before – which of course is not a bad thing given that wherever we go there we are i.e. it is not about the situation but us and how we relate to it.

Most notably in our stillness we were able to connect with our senses (sight, hearing, smell, taste and touch) and in a heartfelt way marvel at these wonderful gifts as they reconnected us with ourselves, others, our surroundings and the wonders of nature. In the stillness, we were also able to pause, breathe, savour our moments and find peace and calm amidst the COVID storm.

On our journey, there was some discussion and exploration of formal and informal mindfulness practices and I mentioned that we could weave what we learn from these practices into our daily lives – doing so would certainly help with reducing stress, low mood and anxiety.

We are all capable of being mindful - some of us are not interested at all, some just need a reminder, some want to be pointed in a direction whilst others are interested in more than just dabbling with the concepts and practices in the way that we have.  Wherever we are on this continuum, it is important to know that this is ok – it is what it is and we are where we are. Living mindfully is not for everyone, some people enjoy staying on the hamster wheel – this is the freedom of choice. For those who do wish to learn more than what this blog has had to offer, the options include group training such as Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) and Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) programmes, individual consultations or studying the subject at college or university level. Please see a few links below*. Don't be afraid to take the first step – remember that beautiful poem I shared with you in the 4^th article: 'Start close in' by David Whyte:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=030YqrN4SFc

As I intentionally turn my attention to a new dawn, I do so with immense appreciation for each moment I have had on this journey with you, getting our heads around the COVID-19 epidemic. Like you, I have learnt many things – I have learnt to look at myself honestly with kindness and compassion and to really see myself and the world through my own eyes. By turning inwards, nourishing, nurturing and honoring myself I deepened my capacity to reach out and to connect meaningfully with humility and gratitude. This time has been a wonderful time for learning and growing and as we continue to do so on our respective journeys, I would like to leave you with a link to this beautiful prose written and narrated by Kevin McCormack.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFRlV-9nFAI

Links to a few mindfulness resources:

• http://www.mbct.co.uk
• http://www.oxfordmindfulness.org
• http://www.bangor.ac.uk/mindfulness
• http://mindfulness.org.za
• http://www.umassmed.edu/cfm/index.aspx

As we close the door on this chapter, my thoughts are moving to expanding the mindfulness conversation to sport, performance and leadership in the very near future – watch this space.

Until then, just know that if you are doing your best, it is indeed enough.

Stay safe, stay well and stay mindful.

Debbie Alexander

During the past weeks, as a way of getting our heads around the impact the Coronavirus (COVID-19) Pandemic has had on our lives, I offered an introduction to mindfulness concepts and practices. I referred to formal and informal mindfulness practices and today it is my intention to foreground a few of the formal practices. The motivation for this foregrounding is informed by my firm belief that the same ‘effort’ we put into training our bodies ought to be put into training our minds, and very few of us ever do this. Mindfulness practice is an excellent way to train the mind, it reduces stress and aids us in participating actively in the maintenance of our own health and vitality. Regular mindfulness practice can increase skilful action and reduce reactivity while bringing greater clarity, focus and ease to dealing with any kinds of challenges.

Formal mindfulness practices vary and include amongst others mindful meditation, body scan; mindful movement; and mindful eating – these are the meditative practices I will highlight with accompanying links.

Mindful meditation can be described as a practice in which people learn to pay attention, moment by moment, intentionally, with an attitude of open, affable curiosity. 

The founder of the Mindfulness Stress Based Reduction (MBSR) programme, Jon Kabat-Zinn, claims that that mindful meditation allows us to tap into our capacity to be in touch with our experience and be awake and aware with no agenda other than to be awake and aware’. He stresses that meditation is not about clearing the mind, but about noticing the mind’s patterns and how certain patterns can lead to intensifying emotions as well as how some actions can lead to positive outcomes in life.

Specifically, Mindfulness meditation needs no preparation and does not involve the use of any props, candles or mantras, it requires a quiet place to sit or lie, a few minutes of our time and an open, non-judgemental mind.

Practicing mindful meditation has many benefits - through this formal practice we learn to become more kind, compassionate, gentle, patient and non-judgemental with ourselves. We also learn to give ourselves the time and space to make informed and wise choices and to find solutions to problems. Other benefits include reduced stress, reduced pain or discomfort, improved sleep, improved insight and improved performance. Try this mindfulness meditation of body and breath:

http://franticworld.com/free-meditations-from-mindfulness/

The body scan is designed to systematically, region by region, cultivate awareness of the body. The body scan is best practiced lying down on ones back in a place where one feels warm and comfortable and will be undisturbed. This is useful practice to explore for numerous reasons, the first is that the body often detects thoughts before we consciously register them, it then reacts as though the thoughts are real irrespective of whether they are or not. The second reason the body scan is a useful practice is because it affords us the opportunity to deepen our ability to see how reactive our minds really are and the third reason is that the body can act as an emotional sensor giving us early warning signs of stress, unhappiness and apprehension before they even arise. The body feeds back emotional information to the brain which often worsens the stress, fears and worries we already have. If we are able to decipher the messages from the body by paying detailed attention and also shifting our attention, we may notice the parts of the body that are the source of the distress signals.

The body scan is a wonderful way of integrating the mind and the body and also of developing our ability to pay attention, shift attention and sustain attention. Additionally, in this practice we come to notice how our mind creates tension in the body and vice versa. Being able to notice our minds’ reactivity is useful given that we spend so much time in our heads planning, remembering, analysing, judging, comparing etc. that it is easy to compromise our own physical and mental well-being.  Try this body scan meditation:

http://franticworld.com/free-meditations-from-mindfulness/

Mindful movement is likened to gentle hatha yoga with an emphasis on mindful awareness of the body in motion and in stillness. Mindful movement not only helps to release stress in the body, it also teaches us a wonderful appreciation of and respect for our bodies. This practice can feel very odd, especially for athletes who are used to pushing themselves beyond their limits. Unlike the movement you are used to, the purpose here is to focus on the physical sensation of the movement and how we relate to the sensations and to also notice our inclination to want to strive and push ourselves –  so this practice is not about striving but simply about cultivating awareness of our physical sensations. It is a wonderful way of reconnecting with our bodies in a kind, compassionate, gentle and non-judgemental way. Try this mindful movement meditation: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z5DLdqFG31A

Mindful eating is a practice in which we bring awareness moment by moment to what we are doing when we are eating. It is a lovely ‘exercise’ which helps to give us a sense of knowing what we are doing when we are doing it.  Mark Williams the founder of Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) suggests trying mindful eating by actively attending to eating a piece of chocolate – he calls it the chocolate meditation.   Actively attending in this instance, incorporates opening the wrapper, taking in the aroma, breaking off a piece, looking at the chocolate from all angles, touching it, putting it in your mouth, noticing what happens in your mouth and with the chocolate, your tendency to bite, suck etc., noticing your thoughts about the chocolate or what you are doing, noticing the swallowing and the sensation of having eaten the chocolate and your thoughts about that.

The mindful eating meditation practice is a powerful way of making us aware of unhelpful and sometimes destructive impulses and behaviours when it comes to food. For some of us food can provide emotional comfort especially when the going gets tough - we often hear people talking about comfort eating and comfort food. The mindful eating meditation practice affords us the opportunity to be in touch with our food and our relationship to food. We can be more mindful of what we consume, why, how, where and when. Try the chocolate meditation (of course you will need chocolate for this one):

http://franticworld.com/free-meditations-from-mindfulness/

The intention of these formal Mindfulness practices is for us to actively take time out of our day to check in on ourselves, to turn off our surroundings and focus inwards so that we can reflect on our own lives. Practicing mindfulness formally is not difficult or out of our reach because we all have the ability, to be mindful. In my experience, for mindfulness to be fully appreciated, understood and of value in our lives, it must be experienced and not just spoken or read about - so go ahead and give some of the practices a try.

Lastly, in the words of Jon Kabat-Zinn: ‘If you want to influence the future, own the present’.

Be bold, be brave and be curious.

Debbie Alexander

In my previous posts I explored subjects such as choice and taking care of oneself. For now, my thoughts are moving in the direction of change. I am thinking about a changing world and our own change, which extends beyond, albeit still incorporating kindness and compassion. With the world as we once knew it changing at a rapid pace, courtesy of COVID-19, we are going to have to adapt by changing the way we engage with it, each other and ourselves. Now for some of us the thought of change may be rather scary, whilst others may find it quite exciting. If you are thinking that change is not for you, that you hate change and can’t change, well then, I have a little surprise for you, as our lives are indeed about change.

In life, change is inevitable, it is evident in our transformation from infancy to toddlerhood, to preadolescence, adolescence and adulthood. We are constantly evolving, growing and learning and- eventually change even leads to old age and death – nothing is permanent. Change constantly occurs in our bodies mostly without any conscious interventions from ourselves. Within our bodies change is largely protective, if change did not take place, our bodies would not be able to heal broken bones, cuts, bruises and infections. Even in times of great stress or threat our bodies respond in either fight, flight or freeze mode and once the ‘danger’ has passed our bodies return to a state of homeostasis.

Of course, change in our bodies can also be negative e.g. if, amongst other things, we abuse our bodies by the excessive intake of alcohol or prohibited substances or by limiting food intake (anorexia or bulimia) or if we fail to curb prolonged excessive levels of stress resulting in excessive biological wear and tear.  When our minds and bodies have been stretched to the maximum over a long period of time chronic mental or physical ill health can result. This is where change can make a difference, where we have some control and where we can exercise our power of choice.

Knowing that change is part of our being and that our minds and bodies are adaptable should be hugely encouraging when the subject of embracing change is broached in the context of adjusting to a new world order associated with the COVID-19 pandemic.

How we experience this pandemic will depend on how we perceive change itself. The definitive impact on our physical and mental health from the prolonged experience of negative stress will depend largely on how we adapt to the rapid on-going changes whilst still preserving our own personal equilibrium. Adding to the impact the prolonged experience of negative stress will be our beliefs about the world and ourselves, the meanings we assign to occurrences in our daily lives, our awareness or lack thereof of our reactions to situations and our mindlessness tendencies.

High achievers are often thought of as resilient because of their ability to endure on-going high levels of stress - they just grit their teeth and push through. However, if they fail to see the positive side of stressful situations, eventually when faced with sustained challenges and disappointments they too wither and succumb to ill-health.

So how, even if we are resilient, can we keep changing whilst still preserving our own inner equilibrium and sense of wholeness?

One way of maintaining our own inner balance is to be mindful of our perceptions, behaviours and lifestyles, it is only when we have some awareness of (have insight into) our own blunders, gaps and blind spots that we can, if necessary, effect change.

Keeping in mind that our perceptions become our reality, so if we perceive the impact of the pandemic to be extremely stressful, this will be the reality we respond to.  Alternatively, if we perceive this stressful situation in a positive light and an opportunity for new growth and learning this will be our reality. Do you remember, when times were tough, your parents’ saying the following: ‘when life gives you lemons make lemonade’ or ‘turn that knot in your tummy into a beautiful bow’ they were encouraging you to look on the brighter side of life. If it is difficult for you to look on the brighter side, you may wish to try the following when you notice yourself making a negative comment, immediately back it up with 3 positive ones – eventually you will change your mindset. If you are unaware of how your perceptions impact your actions, ask a family member or friend to point out these moments to you. You can also reciprocate this gesture if the other is open to it so that we all start a positive rather than a negative spiral in changing our perceptions.

Being mindful of our behaviour requires us to slow down, pause, be still and honestly and openly reflect on our actions towards ourselves, others and the environment. Some questions to consider: Do we respect ourselves, others, nature and our environment? Are we kind, caring, compassionate, charitable, empathic? Are we tolerant, understanding and patient?  Do we nourish and nurture ourselves and others? What difference are we making in this world?

Being mindful of our lifestyle involves appraising whether we are: getting sufficient sleep and rest; managing stress appropriately; considering our food choices carefully in relation to a healthy diet, appropriate nutritional supplements and avoidance of harmful substances; balancing training, exercise, recovery, work, recreation and fun activities; engaging in healthy relationships; seeking and providing appropriate emotional support; making use of physical and psychological therapies; engaging in sustainable practices; – and last but not least engaging with formal (mindful breathing, eating, movement, etc.) and informal mindfulness practices (noticing habits and routine daily activities).

Another way of maintaining our own inner balance, especially when the going gets tough is to spring into action to take care of ourselves in the best way possible in this moment.

Generally, when one is grounded through the practice of mindfulness, the most adept way to deal with difficult and stressful situations is to remain mindful, i.e. pause, breathe, consider what one can and can’t control. If the circumstances are out of one’s control, allow them to resolve themselves, whilst taking care of the things that one can control. Sometimes, however, especially in very difficult times when one feels down, very stressed, exhausted and anxious the wisest thing to do, instead of moping and feeling sorry for oneself, is to effect change i.e. get into action – drive (motivation) follows action, i.e. just do it!!! Even if you don’t feel like it, don’t think about it, just do it!!! When you start, the motivation will follow. The best action at this point is to do something that brings you great joy and something that leaves you with a sense of accomplishment and/or fulfilment. Lastly whatever you do, do it mindfully - ask yourself: is this necessary, is this helpful, is this kind and am I making a difference?

In my previous communications, I very briefly touched on topics such as choice, acceptance, pausing, reactivity versus responsiveness, opening to new possibilities, cultivating awareness and attention, riding the uncertainty wave, mindfulness, using the breath as an anchor, reconnecting with our being mode and returning to our senses in a kind, compassionate, non-judgemental way. I am aware that for some people even the thought of turning towards and/or changing the way we relate to the COVID-19 challenges may be easier said than done.

I am conscious of the fact that some of us are already in the teeth of the devastation, having suffered great losses i.e., personal, family, financial, professional, occupational, whilst others are fearing and anxiously anticipating these realities. I am also mindful that all our contexts and experiences are different. Some of us are still in lockdown, others have just entered lockdown whilst others are yet to experience lockdown when some are coming out of lockdown. Some people are more fortunate than others in terms of their environments, resources and support structures. For some, the pain associated with the COVID-19 challenges may be physical or emotional or both. Whichever scenario we find ourselves in, there we are, and for each one of us our coping will be different, shaped by our previous life experiences (environment/nurture) and who we are as individuals (innate being/nature). Some may experience the ‘pain’ as suffering whilst others may not. Pain and suffering are different, pain (physical and mental) is unavoidable, it is what it is, whilst suffering is our response to pain, the meaning we attribute to is. Suffering, more so than the pain, is the thing that really gets us down and leaves us feeling miserable.

None of us is exempt from experiencing pain but we can avoid suffering. Whether we experience the mental or physical pain of the effects of the COVID-19 crisis as suffering will depend on our relationship to the pain. Some people get caught up in their own story and thoughts around the pain, by ruminating about the specific incident or manifestation or circumstances and eventually they become victims of their own reactions. Our reactions to the pain itself, is our biggest challenge.

By practicing mindfulness, we learn to notice how our reactions affect our emotional well-being and we also learn ways in which we can avoid being caught up in the stories we build around pain which further compounds our suffering. 

So, when I set out to put us in touch with ourselves, through suggesting we pause and bring awareness to our thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations and senses and how we relate to ourselves, I did so intentionally. I wanted us to notice our reactivity to things and people around us, the busyness of our minds, the busyness of our lives, our lack of truly knowing and understanding ourselves and the impact thereof on ourselves and others.

If we are not able to reduce our reactivity in situations and respond in an informed, intentional manner with kindness and compassion towards ourselves, we will struggle to extend this way of being in the world to others, and right now the world needs kindness and compassion more than ever. Cultivating kindness and compassion starts with each one of us. It starts by bringing awareness to our thoughts and actions and awareness to our tendency to react rather than respond.

If you have not yet tried being kind and compassionate to yourself, this is an invitation to return and ponder on to my previous messages.

On that note of extending an invitation, I would like to leave you with this beautiful, thought provoking poem by David Whyte.

https://youtu.be/030YqrN4SFc

Be safe, Be healthy,

Be kind, Be compassionate,

Be mindful.

Previously I wrote about choice and I reminded you to breathe.

On the matter of choice, central to my life, is the phrase: "the choices we make will determine the life we lead". How we ride this Coronavirus wave is up to each one of us – after all, we do have the freedom of choice no matter what the circumstances.

On the matter of remembering to breathe, it is not so much about remembering to breathe as it is about bringing an awareness to the breath because ultimately the breath happens without any intervention from ourselves (‘it breathes itself’ – that’s what lungs do). In the same way that our lungs breathe our minds think – it just happens.

Bringing awareness to the breath has some advantages. One of the good things about drawing our attention to the breath is that it reminds us that if we are still breathing there is more right with us than wrong, so we have a great deal to be thankful for. We can either embrace this blessing and make the most of every moment in our lives, or we can choose to be alive and miserable and make everyone around us miserable too.

The second thing about bringing awareness to the breath is that we can use it as an anchor to steady ourselves when things feel just that little bit out of our control.

Because the breath happens on its’ own accord, I am not for one minute suggesting you interfere with this process. I would, however, like to invite you to become acquainted with the wonders of your breath, this life given force that we take for granted. Seek out a quiet place in your home, a place where you feel most safe, comfortable and where you will not be disturbed. Find an area where you can either sit upright on a chair or on the floor or you can lie down. Take a moment to settle and ground yourself, you can close your eyes or lower your gaze if you wish and just for a moment bring your awareness to your whole body, starting with your toes and moving up towards your head, shifting your attention from one area to the next, noticing any and all sensations that are present in the here and now – no need to adjust anything, simply just notice. When you are ready, move the focus of your attention to the breath, simply noticing the inbreath and the outbreath – just notice! There is no need to adjust or change in any way, the way you breathe – simply notice the inbreath and the outbreath.  Do this for a few minutes.

You will notice that after a while your mind starts to wander, you get distracted by thoughts. It’s ok, it’s just thoughts and it is what the mind does (just like the lungs breath, the mind thinks) – no need to beat yourself up about this. Thoughts are just thoughts, we can’t halt thinking but we can remind ourselves that thoughts are not our reality, we make them our reality – remember the word, choice. We can choose to get caught up in the content of our thoughts or we can choose to notice that they are a little crazy and make the choice to shift our attention. So, when you become aware that the focus of your attention has shifted to your thoughts, notice where it has gone and gently escort your attention back to your breath. Each time you get distracted, gently escort your attention back to the breath. Try doing this for 5 minutes on your own. If it is difficult to do this unguided practice you might want to try Mark Williams, mindfulness meditation track 1, Body and Breath on YouTube.   

Make the breath your anchor!

Image Source: Dr Debbie Alexander