Dr Debbie Alexander is a Clinical Psychologist with a PhD (neuropsychology/ sport). She holds numerous leadership positions in International Sport. Her passion is assisting people, in clinical and sport settings, to be the best versions of themselves.
COVID-19 Detour with Debbie
Our Partners
Emotional Pain
In my last post, I stressed that now, more than ever, we need to cultivate kindness and compassion towards ourselves so that we can extend the kindness and compassion to others. I also briefly touched on topics such as pain and suffering. Today I want to pause for a moment at the subject of pain and specifically emotional pain.
Whilst some may be weathering this COVID-19 storm with ease, others may not be. Those that are struggling may be wrestling with their own thoughts, feelings, behaviours and discomforts, unsure of whether what they are feeling and experiencing is normal or whether there should be cause for concern.
Your behaviour is:
And you are:
you need to know that these are normal experiences, so please, cut yourself some slack. We are all human and it is perfectly ok to experience unpleasant feelings, just as it is fine to have positive and neutral feelings and experiences. Take grieving for example, a mental, physical, social or emotional reaction in response to loss - this is accompanied by ‘negative’ responses such as denial and feelings such as deep sadness, numbness, irritability and anger. Amongst others, these are perfectly normal responses to loss. Those of us who have lost loved ones can certainly identify with some of these responses. I know that some of you are thinking: ‘but I have not lost a loved one, so why am I having some of these feeling right now’?
When we talk about grief, the word does not only refer to the loss of a loved one, loss can mean many different things to each one of us. For some, loss may mean the ending of a significant relationship (a break-up), being retrenched, loss of income, loss of ability to train, loss of freedom of movement etc. During this COVID-19 crisis period and especially during lockdown we are all experiencing losses.
Negative feelings, behaviours and experiences in isolation or in combination, in small doses, are normal responses to stressful situations, including loss, so don’t fret. However, when they persist, affect your day to day life and cause significant distress in your relationships, in family, social and occupational settings, there may be cause for concern.
What should cause you to be concerned and what should one be looking out for?
Feeling depressed:
If you have had a depressed mood for most of the day, every day for 2 weeks or more, and you are struggling with a number of the following: difficulties with sleep or appetite (either sleeping and/or eating too much or too little, e.g. not wanting to eat or get out of bed or the converse), feelings of sadness, no desire to participate in fun activities or socializing, struggling with concentration and remembering, feelings of hopelessness and thoughts that the world will be a better place without you, and you (or your loved ones) notice that all these struggles have a significant impact on your day to day life – please seek help from a local mental health professional like a counsellor, psychologist or psychiatrist.
Feeling anxious:
If you have been worrying excessively (e.g. about what may or may not happen in the future or about something bad happening to you and your family or a loved one), and these worries consume most of your day, every day for a number of months and they impact on your day to day life, causing you and those around you significant stress because you are constantly on edge, fatigued, tense and irritable, then you should seek help from a local mental health professional as alluded to above.
Additionally, it is important to note that if you have an existing mental disorder, this current crisis may well exacerbate the condition and cause you further distress, especially if you do not have sufficient support - please in this instance, also reach out to your mental health professional, as above.
Some mental health professionals around the world are offering on-line assessments and interventions. For help: search on-line for Clinical Psychologists, Counselling Psychologists, Counsellors, Psychiatrists, Mental Health Services, Depression and Anxiety Groups or for your nearest clinic or hospital.
Whatever the challenges, small or big, in your reaching out for comfort and support, make your first port of call family and friends, especially now, even if it is only via on-line means. I am aware that for some of us, especially in difficult situations we find it hard to reach out because we do not want to be a burden to others or perhaps, we think that others will see us as weak and not able to cope. We are all human and we all go through periods of feeling overwhelmed and unable to cope – it’s ok, this is perfectly normal and nothing to be embarrassed about. Reaching out to others may just be the difference between lightening our loads or worsening our situations. One of the positive outcomes of reaching out is that we discover that we really are not alone in our distress and that others too are experiencing difficulties – remember this is new for all of us.
We are social beings and relationships are key to our existence and survival, we need the contact – make the contact!! Make the contact, if not for you, for the other person because the other person may be needing the contact more than you and more than you realize.
Remember kindness and compassion to yourself first and then to others. In her book Loving-Kindness, Sharon Salzburg https://www.sharonsalzberg.com/lovingkindness/ has a wonderful way of guiding one to extending loving kindness to oneself first, then to close family and friends, to strangers, to difficult people, if this is difficult then to ourselves again, and then to all beings. Phrases she uses are: ‘May I be safe, may I be happy, may I be healthy, and may I live with ease’.
For our purposes, as we get our heads around the Coronavirus, COVID-19, you may wish to, in your quiet moments (e.g. whilst settled and grounded, using the breath as an anchor), repeat the following phrases:
May I stay safe
May I stay healthy
May I stay strong and connected, and
May I ride this COVID-19 wave with ease
My wish for you is:
May you stay safe
May you stay healthy
May you stay strong and connected, and
May you ride this COVID-19 wave with ease
Embrace the ride,
Stay strong, stay well and stay connected.
Debbie Alexander